When the Whole Month Feels Heavy: Grief and Finding Your Way Through

For those who are grieving, time doesn’t always pass in days or weeks—it often moves in waves, memories, and deeply felt moments that stick. While the rest of the world is planning family gatherings and BBQs for the summer holidays, clients I work with often find themselves overwhelmed by a sense of heaviness that sets in before the holiday even arrives.

For many, Memorial Day isn’t just a national day of remembrance; it’s personal. It may mark the unofficial start of summer, a favorite family tradition, or a symbolic period filled with memories of someone they’ve lost. Many feel this way, as the winter holidays approach as well. For those navigating grief—especially complicated or compounded grief—this time can feel like a quiet storm gathering on the calendar, one that’s hard to talk about and even harder to prepare for.

Why the Month Feels Harder Than the Day

It’s common for clients to say, “I don’t know why, but this whole month just feels bad,” or, “I feel off, and I didn’t realize until later that it’s the anniversary month.” This isn’t a sign of regression—it’s a natural part of how grief lives in the body and mind.

Grief isn’t only about specific dates. It’s also about seasons, sensations, sounds, and small rituals we didn’t even realize we’d anchored ourselves to. While Memorial Day is about honoring military personnel that were lost, Memorial Day can be a time of both general loss and grief, not just for those who have lost loved ones in military service, but it also allows for reflection on personal losses, and the holiday’s focus on remembrance can trigger feelings of grief.  Spanning out even further, the anticipation of significant dates can create an uneasy feeling about certain months or seasons all together.

What often surprises many people is that the anticipation of a significant date—like a death anniversary, birthday, or favorite holiday—can feel worse than the day itself. Our minds build it up, fearing what it will be like, imagining emotional collapse or deep pain. This anticipatory grief adds extra weight to an already tough time and can stretch the pain across the whole month, making it feel “ruined.”

Grief Doesn’t Follow a Script

Grief doesn’t always make sense to those outside of it, and unfortunately, that means many people feel alone or misunderstood in their pain. For those who have experienced compounded losses, traumatic deaths, or relationships that weren’t simple, this isolation can be even more profound.

I work with many clients who are grieving in ways that others don’t talk about openly:

• The loss of a loved one to suicide, overdose, or estrangement.
• The complicated loss of someone who was abusive, absent or had a side to them that complicates the grief process.
• The death of multiple loved ones in a short period of time.
• The grief of losing someone with whom you had unfinished business.

In these cases and for other losses, holidays, death or birth anniversaries—or any marker on the calendar—can stir up not just sadness, but confusion, anger, regret, and numbness. If you have experiences a loss, similar to those noted above, you may feel like you “should” be feeling something different, or that your grief doesn’t “fit” with how others expect you to show up or grieve. Often times, others who haven’t experiences the loss in the same way as you, don’t appear to understand what you are going through, as their life continues forward in a way that you feel you cannot. Feeling stuck, suspended in time, not able to move back or forward, still grieving the loss. Everyone’s grieving process is their own but the “year of firsts” can be the hardest. Over time the loss doesn’t lessen but it does get easier as you will begin to move forward, as long as you take the steps and have the support around you to do so.

Let me say this clearly: Your grief is valid exactly as it is.

Tips for Navigating a Hard Month of Grief

While there’s no one-size-fits-all approach to managing grief, there are ways to care for yourself and plan intentionally when you know a difficult month or holiday is coming.

1. Acknowledge the Date(s), But Don’t Let Them Dictate Your Entire Month

It’s helpful to name the specific days that feel significant—but that doesn’t mean you have to spend the entire month under their shadow. You might find it helpful to journal or talk about what makes those days hard, and what you need around those dates to feel more grounded. When you are ready, add in other things in the month that create a new narrative around the month beyond the loss. A whole summer or holiday doesn’t have to be ruined because of the loss of your loved one.

2. Create a Personal Memorial

Memorial Day offers a natural opportunity for remembrance. You might choose to honor your loved one in a private, meaningful way—planting something in their memory, creating a photo ritual, making their favorite dish, or lighting a candle with intention.

For some, traditional memorials feel right. For others, it’s about reclaiming the day for your healing—taking a solo hike, writing a letter you’ll never send, or spending the day in a new environment altogether.

3. Limit Exposure to Triggers

Social media can become a minefield during holidays. If you know it will be hard to see people posting joyful family moments while you’re feeling raw, give yourself permission to log off. Curate your space intentionally.

The same goes for events. It’s okay to say no. You don’t have to “push through” just because others are celebrating.

4. Build in Gentle Structure

Give yourself a loose plan for the days that feel heaviest. You don’t have to schedule every minute, but having a few anchors—like a walk, a favorite movie, or time with a supportive friend—can keep you from spiraling. This structures includes around the day in question, sometimes those days hit the hardest so plan around the day as well.

Think of it as scaffolding, not pressure.

5. Ask for Support—Even If You’re Usually the Strong One

Grief can be exhausting, even if it doesn’t always show. You deserve support, even if you’ve “been doing okay lately.” Reach out to your therapist, support group, or a trusted person who can hold space for you without trying to fix it.

If you don’t have that kind of support yet, know that it exists. You don’t have to go through this alone.

A Note About Complicated and Compounded Grief

If your grief feels “stuck,” overwhelming, or just different from what you see others experiencing, you might be navigating complicated grief—a form of prolonged grief that can come with additional symptoms like guilt, anger, identity confusion, or difficulty engaging in life again.

When you’ve experienced compounded grief—multiple losses in a short span—it can feel like you never got the chance to catch your breath, let alone grieve properly.

As a therapist specializing in trauma-informed care, EMDR, somatic therapy, and grief work, I help people move through the stuck places, not by forcing closure, but by making space for healing in a way that honors the truth of your experience.

Sometimes we need help finding language for the pain we carry. Sometimes we just need someone to witness it with us. Other times we have to clear the pack of complicating feelings and actions of the person lost to really grieve them.

You Are Not Alone—Let’s Walk Through This Together

If Memorial Day—or any season—is feeling unbearably heavy, please know that healing is possible, even if it doesn’t mean “getting over it.” You can learn to live with your grief in a way that honors your loss without letting it consume you.

I offer individual therapy and intensive sessions for those dealing with:

• Complicated or prolonged grief
• Multiple or compounded losses
• Losses from overdose, suicide, or estrangement
• Grief that others don’t understand or acknowledge

Together, we can create a path forward that’s rooted in your values, your story, and your pace.

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💬 Ready for support?

If you’re in Colorado or Washington and need a space where your grief can be seen, heard, and supported—whether through weekly sessions or a focused therapeutic intensive—I’d love to talk with you. If you are located anywhere else, reach out today to see if coaching is a good fit for you.

Visit www.pathtogrowththerapy.com to learn more or schedule a consultation or reach out with questions. You don’t have to carry it all on your own.