Infidelity, betrayal, addiction, secrecy, or another rupture has changed how safe the relationship feels. You may want to repair what happened while having no idea how—or whether—you can trust the relationship again.

You May Have Found Your Way here Because...

You Don't Need Another Referee.

What We Might Work On Together

Understand the cycle underneath recurring arguments and learn practical ways to communicate, listen, repair, set boundaries, and respond differently when conversations become difficult.

WHEN ONE OF YOU ISN'T SURE

Discernment Counseling

Discernment counseling is a short-term counseling process for couples when one partner is considering leaving the relationship while the other would prefer to stay and work on it. These relationships are sometimes described as mixed-agenda couples.

When you're in that position, traditional couples therapy may not be the right place to begin.

Couples therapy assumes that both people are willing to work toward improving the relationship. Discernment counseling doesn't require that commitment.

In fact, the immediate goal isn't to fix your relationship.

It's to slow things down enough to understand how you got here, recognize each person's contribution to the relationship as it exists today, and gain greater clarity and confidence about what direction makes sense next.

You Keep Having the Same Fight

Something Happened That Changed the Relationship

Life Changed—and Your Relationship Changed With It

Moving in together. Marriage. Parenthood. Career changes. Midlife. Grief. Changes in sexuality or identity. Opening a relationship. Relocation. Sometimes transitions expose differences that were easier to overlook before.

One of You Isn’t Sure Anymore

One partner may be fighting to save the relationship while the other isn't sure they want to stay. The harder one person reaches for reassurance, the further the other may pull away.

You don't necessarily need someone to tell you whether to stay or leave. You may need somewhere to understand how you got here—and what each path forward would actually mean.

Communication & Recurring Conflict

Infidelity, Betrayal & Rebuilding Trust

Create space to address what happened and its impact, establish greater transparency and emotional safety, and determine what rebuilding trust would actually require from both partners.

Relationship Crossroads & Major Transitions

Navigate moving in together, marriage, parenthood, career changes, midlife, grief, relocation, changes in identity or sexuality, or other transitions that raise questions about what you want your relationship to become.

Connection, Intimacy & Sexuality

Explore emotional and sexual disconnection, changing desires, sexual identity, intimacy concerns, or conversations you've struggled to have together.

Nontraditional Relationships

Support for LGBTQIA+ couples and partners exploring or navigating consensual non-monogamy, polyamory, or other relationship structures. The goal isn't to impose a particular model of relationship—it's to help you create agreements, boundaries, communication, and connection that fit yours.

One partner may be asking:
“Are you staying or leaving?”
While the other is thinking:
“I can't promise to work on this until I know whether I even want to stay.”

The more one partner reaches for certainty, the more the uncertain partner may retreat. And the more they retreat, the more frightening the uncertainty becomes.

Discernment counseling gives that uncertainty somewhere to go.

I'm not invested in keeping every couple together. I'm invested in helping you understand what's happening, take responsibility for your part, and make a thoughtful decision about what comes next. 

There is room for both of you to be where you actually are.

You Don’t Have to Know the Ending Yet

The Three Paths We Consider in Discernment Counseling

Path One —
Stay As You Are for Now

Path Two — Move Toward Separation or Divorce

Path Three — Commit to Working on the Relationship

Make no immediate decision about the future of the relationship and continue with the relationship as it currently exists.

Gain greater clarity that ending the relationship is the direction you want to pursue and begin considering what a thoughtful transition might look like.

Both partners agree to take separation or divorce off the table for a defined period and make a genuine effort in couples therapy to understand and change the patterns that brought the relationship to this point.

Discernment counseling isn't designed to choose a path for you.
It's designed to help you understand each path—and yourselves—well enough to make the decision more intentionally.

What Happens in Discernment Counseling?

Discernment counseling typically lasts between one and five sessions, with sessions lasting approximately 90 minutes to two hours.

Sessions include time together as a couple as well as individual conversations with each partner.

We look at what has happened to the relationship, what each of you brings to the current dynamic, what attempts at repair have or haven't worked, and what would need to change if you chose to make a genuine attempt at reconciliation.

Before We Begin
Because discernment counseling requires a different structure from traditional couples therapy, I briefly consult with both partners before scheduling the first session.

Couples Therapy or Discernment Counseling—Where Do We Start?

Do we want to try to repair our relationship?
 One partner may be leaning in while the other is leaning out
Gain clarity about the direction of the relationship
Couple + individual conversations
1–5 sessions
90 minutes–2 hours
One partner is seriously questioning whether to stay

     How can we make our relationship better? 
 Both partners want to work on the relationship 
Change patterns and improve the relationship 
 Primarily together 
Length Based on your goals 
Session time 75 minutes or longer 
Best fit Both want to participate in change 

Discernment Counseling

Couples Therapy 

If one of you is already halfway out the door, trying to begin traditional couples therapy before addressing that uncertainty can leave both of you frustrated. We can begin with discernment and determine whether couples therapy becomes the next step.

-The Question-
-Commitment- 
-Primary Goal-
-Structure-
-Length of Session-
-Session Time-
-Best Fit-

Some Conversations Need More Than 50 Minutes

My couples work is primarily offered in sessions of 75 minutes or longer.

Relationships are complex. It can take time for both people to arrive, understand what happened since the last session, identify what's actually underneath a conflict, work with it meaningfully, and leave the session feeling sufficiently grounded.

Longer sessions give us more room to do the work rather than repeatedly reaching the most important part of a conversation just as the session needs to end.

Depending on your needs, we may work in 75-, 90-, or 120-minute sessions, or consider a couples therapy intensive for more concentrated work.

This doesn't mean every couple needs the longest session available. We'll determine what structure makes sense based on what you're working on.

When the Relationship Is Carrying Trauma, Talking May Not Be Enough

Sometimes a relationship isn't only dealing with a communication problem.

An affair, betrayal, discovery, addiction, loss, frightening conflict, or other experience may continue to activate one or both partners long after the immediate event has passed.

When there is sufficient safety and stability within the relationship and the therapy room, EMDR or Accelerated Resolution Therapy (ART) may sometimes be incorporated into or used to augment couples work to address experiences that continue to affect the relationship.

This isn't appropriate for every couple or every stage of therapy. We determine together whether trauma processing is clinically appropriate and whether it should happen within the couples work, through individual or adjunct therapy, or as part of a more concentrated therapy intensive.

When You Need More Space Than Weekly Therapy Can Offer

Couples Therapy Intensives

Some relationship concerns benefit from more uninterrupted time.

This can be especially helpful when you're working through betrayal or infidelity, facing a significant relationship decision, trying to interrupt a deeply entrenched conflict cycle, or addressing experiences that continue to affect trust and emotional safety.

Couples therapy intensives create dedicated space to slow down, understand what's happening beneath the surface, and work through important material without repeatedly stopping because the therapy hour is over.

Depending on your needs, an intensive may incorporate relationship work, communication and attachment-focused interventions, and—when clinically appropriate—EMDR or ART.

Couples intensives aren't about forcing months of therapy into a day or rushing an important decision. They're about creating enough uninterrupted space to work intentionally on what matters most.
Check our Intensive Brochure to learn about our various Couples Therapy Intensive options.

Not sure whether you need weekly therapy, discernment, or an intensive? 

My approach to couples therapy is active, collaborative, and integrative. I draw from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman-informed interventions, Imago Relationship Therapy, attachment and trauma-informed approaches, EMDR, ART, and practical communication and behavioral strategies.

But I don't believe every couple needs the same formula.

We may spend one session slowing down a conflict cycle, another practicing a conversation you've been avoiding, and another understanding how an old attachment wound is showing up between you today.

I will support you, and I will also challenge you.

Understanding why you do what you do matters. Learning to show up differently with each other matters too.

Therapy Tailored to the Relationship in Front of Me

Meet Sheila

Is Couples Therapy Always the Right Place to Start?

No.
Couples therapy requires enough safety for both partners to speak openly and participate voluntarily. It may not be appropriate when there is ongoing domestic violence, coercive control, significant fear of a partner, or when therapy is being sought primarily for court, custody, or other legal proceedings. It also may not be the appropriate place to start if one partner is considering leaving the relationship, then discernment might be the right place to start.

If concerns about safety emerge during consultation or treatment, I may recommend individual or specialized support before or instead of couples therapy.

My approach to couples therapy is active, collaborative, and integrative. I draw from Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), Gottman-informed interventions, Imago Relationship Therapy, attachment and trauma-informed approaches, EMDR, ART, and practical communication and behavioral strategies.

But I don't believe every couple needs the same formula.

We may spend one session slowing down a conflict cycle, another practicing a conversation you've been avoiding, and another understanding how an old attachment wound is showing up between you today.

I will support you, and I will also challenge you.

Understanding why you do what you do matters. Learning to show up differently with each other matters too.

Couples Therapy & Discernment Investment

Because meaningful couples work often benefits from more time than a traditional therapy hour allows, I primarily work with couples in 75-minute or longer sessions, to go deeper and not feel rushed in the process that is unfolding in session.

90-Minute Couples Intensive (included Assessment)
$436
Individual Couples Interview (60-Minutes)
$216
75-Minute Couples Therapy/Discernment
$330
90-Minute Couples Therapy/Discernment
$396 
120-Minute Couples Therapy/Discernment
$528 

Discernment Counseling (90–120 minutes)
Typically 1–5 sessions

Why Isn't Couples Therapy Billed to Insurance?

My couples therapy and discernment counseling services are private pay and are not billed to insurance and I do not offer superbills for these services.

Insurance reimbursement for therapy generally requires one person to be identified as the patient and assigned a mental health diagnosis, even when the primary reason you're seeking support is the relationship itself. 

My couples work is structured around the relationship and the goals you share for treatment, rather than diagnosing one partner in order to bill their insurance. 

Frequently Asked Questions About Couples Therapy & Discernment Counseling

1. What is discernment counseling?

Discernment counseling is a brief counseling process for couples when one partner is considering ending the relationship while the other wants to preserve and repair it. Rather than immediately attempting to fix the relationship, the process helps both partners understand how they reached this point and gain greater clarity about whether to maintain the status quo, move toward separation, or commit to couples therapy.

2. What's the difference between couples therapy and discernment counseling?

Couples therapy generally assumes both partners want to work toward improving the relationship. Discernment counseling is designed for mixed-agenda couples in which one partner is uncertain about staying. Its initial goal is clarity and decision-making rather than relationship repair.

3. What if my partner isn't sure they want to stay together?

When one partner wants to preserve the relationship and the other is seriously considering leaving, discernment counseling may be a better starting point than traditional couples therapy. Both partners briefly consult with me before the first discernment session to determine whether the process is appropriate.

4. How many sessions is discernment counseling?

Discernment counseling is intentionally brief and generally lasts one to five sessions, typically lasting 90 minutes to two hours each.

5. Can couples therapy help after infidelity or betrayal?

Yes. Couples therapy can help partners understand the impact of betrayal, establish greater emotional safety and transparency, address patterns affecting the relationship, and determine what rebuilding trust would require. Depending on the circumstances and readiness of the couple, EMDR or ART may also be considered when trauma related to the betrayal continues to affect the relationship.

6. How long are couples therapy sessions?

I primarily offer couples therapy in 75-, 90-, and 120-minute sessions because complex relationship work often benefits from more time than a traditional 50-minute therapy hour provides.

7. Do you accept insurance for couples therapy?

No. Couples therapy and discernment counseling are private-pay services. Insurance reimbursement generally requires one partner to be identified as the patient and assigned a mental health diagnosis. My couples work is centered on the relationship and the couple's treatment goals rather than diagnosing one partner for insurance reimbursement.

8. Do you work with LGBTQIA+, polyamorous, or non-monogamous relationships?

Yes. I work with partners across a range of identities and relationship structures, including LGBTQIA+, consensually non-monogamous, and polyamorous relationships. Therapy focuses on the goals, agreements, boundaries, and relationship structure that are meaningful to you rather than imposing a predetermined model of partnership.

You Don't Have to Know the Ending to Start the Conversation

Maybe you know you want to repair the relationship.
Maybe one of you isn't sure.
Maybe something happened that changed everything, and neither of you knows yet what healing from it will look like.
Or maybe you simply know you don't want to keep having the same relationship you've been having.
We can start by understanding where you are—not assuming where you should end up.

Seeking discernment counseling? I'll briefly connect with both partners before we schedule your first session.